As I stand here and post this.
I've gotta say, pls close this page if you are someone that hates emotional ppl.
At this moment I am crying. And
For what reasonS, I'll be saying them here.

Just because I love soft toys, it seemed like a crime. Is there a reason why I love them? Yes!
I wasn't spooky with toys when I was a kid. Was given one. Till I met a friend when I was 11 who had this really adorable bear name 'snuffles' and she had a few of it in different colors and sizes. I admit I envied her, but she was mice enough to let me hug it amd play with it whenever I went over or sleptover. I guess that's how it all started. During Christmas that year, she bought me the exact same one even though it was a smaller size. Wouldn't believe how attached I was to it. I even brought to school.

It was a long way with snuffles. Dad got really pissed at me for bringing n carrying it everywhere with me that he threw it up the fan. And my white snuffles became black snuffles. Threw it across the room because I didn't do what he wanted. And let's say there was more.

As soon, 1 become 2 and more. Everynight I'll hug it to sleep. I know it's stupid. I feel secure and not naked with it.

When I lost stitches. I was devastated. People just said 'oh! It's just a Teddy bear. Why fuss.' yes. I'm 21. So what? Is there a law for it?

Today I got scolded for getting a polar bear. And ytd when my brother got smth, he was fine. They fussed over a $20 polar bear. What about the $1k plus bag she bought then?

This trip has been lonely. Trying so hard to spend a better time by going to theme parks? But having ur sister who has a bf and a brother who clings on him.

And yes. I'm afraid of snakes, frogs, insect and scream in fear. All u guys is laugh and do wtv shit. Every morning n night I see him hugging her n waking her up. And there she is being a baby wanting him to touch her or cheer her up.

I pick up my phone and call him and get a 'what do u want!'
This moment I'm crying and I dun even dare to call him. It feels like things has changed. I wish things to be back to normal. To have someone to understand me instead of saying 'Ahya! What can u do? Deal with it! Don't interfear with other ppl!' or have someone to tell me they love me n miss me. And someone for me to deh.

But I guess one day he'll get sick of it. And
Maybe that one day is here.



__\
I miss the days when I'm crying, u come
Over asking what happen and say 'baby don't cry.' instead of saying. 'why u cry? I ask u 3 times u dun say then fine!'


But like u taught me. Ur mouth is not mine. I am in no control. Guess this post is bullshit.


- Posted from iPhone ♡ AilingC. ILY ♡