♥ Nothing but tears♥

Everything seems to happen in a flash. It seems like it was yesterday, when i was still in bed and grandma would come over and up in my room and sit between me and my sister’s bed and she’ll be waking us up. The days she’ll use to call me ‘xiao ping guo’’ (little apple).

Time grew so fast and i left for uni, and looking back at time, it has been 3 years since i left.

Driving on the highway to uni when my uncle called, but due to the fact that my phone was having problem, he texted me and asked if i could leave earlier to go home because my grandma had fallen and passed away. It didn’t hit me, but i was breathing really hard, all shock. I rushed to class and hand my assignment and left, then something hit me and told me something is not right, i re-read the message and it says ‘passed away’. Immediately, i broke down into tears and squatted at the stairs of my university. Middle of the public and it didn’t matter, i was all broken down and in tears. I then messaged my brother, my dad and my uncle if it was ‘passed out’ or ‘passed away’. and i got a confirmation message from my uncle that it was ‘passed away’. And yet again, i broke down into tears and just couldn’t help it.

It flashed back, i just had a dream about her last night. It was weird, and it was just me and her. We were in a temple, and she was talking about being a catholic, to be with us. But then i told her, with her being a buddhist, she is still our family, and forever she’ll be with us. I dreamt of her tearing, and we walked in the park. It was a temple, a very beautiful one. with lakes and small huts. I held her hands as we walk, and she told me she had something to tell me, something about the truth of me. But i told her, i know about it already, and she teared. I told her that nomatter what, we will always be a family, she will always be my grandma. And i have loved her nomatter what and will love her no matter what. And she smiled, teared and we just sat down, and the dream was over. Well, dreams are dreams, it’s not all dreams are clear. Right?

When i heard about it, i was devastated, it was as if she had came to me for the very last time. I wasn’t so emotionally when it is was grandpa, but then grandma and us were so close. i just couldn’t help it from being emotional.

You were in my dream,

now, i feel that you are peaceful.

and i need not worry that are you happy or not.

But i trust myself.

and i know, you’ll be here watching us.

Love.

xiao ping guo.