It comes easily but it doesn't go away easily.
It took me years and months and lots of experience and ups and down
to get over with it.
It is not a good feeling,
not something one would wanna have.
There say if there's jealousy, there's love,
there's hate and there's envy.
But it's just about the balance of what's more than the other.
20 years i've learn about life and i'm still learning about it,
All this time, i was finding who i am,
what i'm best in, what i love, wondering what i did in the past life to make this life so emotional confusing.
Or is it, equally the same to everyone?
What do you really want?
Think about it.. I try not to look at small things,
I admit, i can be really sarcastic and have a bad temper at certain time of the month,
and i wouldn't ask u to think about it because it's unfair.
but EVERYONE is asking me to stand in their shoes,
Think and consider about their side.
what about me?
Here i am trying so hard to make things work,
but yet there u are doing no shit.
Or am i just trying to hard?
Life is different for me,
it may not be for you.
But who is it to blame?
Yourself to let me go?
Me who decided to leave?
Tried to talk to you before i leave, but you just wouldn't.
Told you it's a big step ahead,
but maybe you just didn't realize and think things would work out well.
Maybe it will,
but not the way we'll do it like how we use to do.
I use to have big faith in you.
big trust big faith. that was all i need to stop myself from thinking.
Everyone was telling me i could do so much better,
i was stupid, i was crazy, i was blind.
but why?
because i was willing to give up and sacrifice for you.
Maybe you would ask,
what did i give up?
what did i sacrifice?
Maybe i just rather not say it, and just lie to you that i didn't sacrifice anything for u.
you know me.
if you do, you know my personality.
i will take anything just to make you feel better,
even it is to lie to you and make myself look like a bitch.
How many times have i tolerated?
To be left alone, hurt, angry will full of emotion,
then to be expected to vanish all those emotion and come smiling to you?
and who knows what's behind those smile?
No one. except for her. whom always knew there was something wrong and something disturbing me even though i was smiling and laughing.
Once, a person told me, i can't make everyone happy,
but i try my best too.
and in the end i hurt myself and make myself look like a bitch by making others happy and look good.
I'm tired, but i'm still working on it.
and i feel stupid just because of a small silly thing.
Ever asked yourself why you loved me?
Ever asked yourself why me?
Ever asked yourself why put up to all this shit?
Ever asked yourself how i feel?
Ever asked yourself what you REALLY feel?
and tell it out?
Not just because you're a guy, and you and your ego.
Ever wondered why i blogged it out instead of telling it to you?
Ever wondered if i needed time to adapted to the 'NEW' you that you say you are changing to?
Ever wondered that things are not the same anymore?
Maybe you wouldn't know,
because you've been living in the shelter of the home .
You've never stayed on campus,
on hostel.
You've never been to boarding school.
Trust is really important,
DON"T say you trust when you have jealousy or enviness.
DON"T say you trust just to wanna make me happy.
i hate liars.
and only say when you trust, when you stop thinking and doubting.
If u say you trust me, but you don't trust other guys.
THAT"S not trust.
if you really have trust, there's no doubting others.
Maybe i've changed because of the people around me.
And maybe you hate me or hate whatever people is around me.
But that's your choice,
that's your thought.
but it also proves how your mature and how much you trust me.
i could go on and on and on and say about the things i want.
but i rather not.
i♥u.
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