random thoughts 180111

When you are a kid, everything seems so much more easier. 

Although kids do feel left out too, 

but they get cheered up and entertained easily. 

But when we get older, we tend to think, why are we left out?

Do we look weird? are we aliens? Do we not fit in?

ANd then as we get even older, we begin to feel that everyone is standing alone and as they say, 

'everyman for himself'. 

I grow up in childhood and memories i wish to erase.

but at times, being able to remember and think about it makes me stronger. 

'Everyman for himself' is how i have been brought up. 

never give, never take. Only give when is necessary and only take when is needed. 

Birthdays were 'just another ordinary day'.  

Christmas means 'church day' or more like 'nutcracker' day. 

Chinese New year means reunion.

When we were teens, not being able to go out and see friends, what more the world,

has made us THOUGHT that every family is the same. that how it works (well that's what i thought)

It wasn't until i came to college/uni where i meet people. 

i hear about their stories, them being homesick. 

The way they were brought up. 

and then i realized how brainwashed i was and how stupid it was for me to thought that it was the same everywhere. 

As i lay here at 4am in the morning not being able to sleep, packing my stuff, thinking about my life and blogging about it, has made me realized, 

how much i have changed. 

how much i have realized what i wanted. 

Today, i was told. i do not have confidence. 

This indeed i agree with him, confidence has not yet reached me as i feel that i do not deserve to have that yet. 

I do not want people to think i am boasting about whatever it is i am talking about,

Bad enough i'm pretty talkative when i talk, confidence??

i was told my the boyfriend if i had the confidence, i wouldn't need him. 

This indeed is wrong. 

very. very. wrong. 

Nobody is perfect, but we are here to make each other perfect. 

Hence, i am imperfect without you. 

People do ask me 'why him?'

and the answer is simply easy. 

because he is the one. 

and they asked me 'how do you know he's the one?'

well, nobody is perfect like i say, 

but he is by far the most that anyone could take and do. 

Even if there's another guy who's so much more romantic than him. 

I bet the other guy has a worst temper than him. what's the point?

Or let's say There's this other guy who's so much better in making me smile and treats me like a queen. 

I bet this other guy is pure ass stubborn and has an ego as high as the sky. 

So what's the point again?

and don't make me continue going on, because i can. 

If you feel there's another guy better, 

YOU go get the other guy, i'm sticking to this one. 

so you can have that one. 

Thank you for your kindness, 

but it is not needed. i have what i need. 

Don't say i'm stupid. 

Because even if  i am, 

even if i'm putting my head into the tiger's mouth, 

or knowing i'd get hurt but still do it. 

That's my choice. i wanna do it. 

because i love him regardlessly. 

and He love me..

well, still. for the time being.