tired

i don't mean to be disrespectful, but at times, i get sick and tired about all this things too..

Having two maids at home but doesn't feel like any.

Walking around the houses stepping on ants and cockroach.

HOw am i suppose to handle this shit?

I learn to stop yelling and pissing at her,

thinking all this drama would stop.

BUT, i guess her side was different and she got worst.

i Don't know to get mad. or to be pity.

But what i know is, i might go mad.

This is my holiday, and i wanna spend it all i can here.

You're the reason i missed all the gathering,

and now you say i have no friends.

To have a BBQ, you were all unhappy.

but yet to think of it, nobody might turn up.

Only those who are family.

Have you ever thought how i felt about it?

Years and days of al the drama,

but yet things just got worst.

Carol asked me a Question yesterday,

and i didn't know how to answer her.

At times i really wanted to speak it out,

to the man of the house who wears the skirt.

The lost of the beloved i do understand,

what i also know was the impact on you.

All i could do was hide what i felt,

because showing it, would make you worst.

I'll say you selfish, and a very damn one.

But who is it to blame, as you are different.

I wanna yell and ask you to grow up,

but i know it's not gonna work,

as someone has tried it for 30 years,

what more someone else like me?

I can't do anything but blog about this,

knowing it's not gonna benefit me.

but it's like my little diary here.

So ignore it if you feel it's worthless.

♥♥♥♥♥

♥last ♥

♥ It's 2am, and the rain is falling ♥

♥ Here we are at the crossroads again ♥

♥ In your arms as the dawn is breaking ♥

♥ Face to face and thousand miles apart ♥

♥ i'll try to make you see ♥

♥ There's hope beyong the pain ♥

♥ If we give enough ♥

♥ If we learn to trust ♥

♥But only love can stay ♥

♥ Believe in you and me ♥

♥ The sun will shine one day ♥

♥ I pray for us ♥

♥ Pray for the strength in us ♥

♥ That's something only love can do ♥

♥ ♥trademark-only love ♥ ♥

__________

♥ It's really 2am. and i'm in the bed here, watching you snore and sleep for the last time.

Cuddling you after i write my feelings down and hoping this would be the best night.

I know they would be next time. i know it's hard. but after 22months of nights sleeping 24/7 next to you.

it's hard .

I wonder how would you feel.

It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside.

Appreciating every moment and staying strong.

Our love will never end, i promise.

♥ I know there are thoughts and wonders.

From both of us.

But i do know faith keeps us strong even though we'll be apart.

♥ i loved you ♥

♥ i love you ♥

♥ i'll love you ♥

Past, present future. will always do.

♥

♥ 3 more days till i'm home. and 3 more last nights with hubby. ♥

So many things to say. So many feelings to express it out. but not words can describe what i'm feeling. Being this 'insecure' is something i've never felt in this 2 years relationship, and yet it is also something i can't really say it out loud. Maybe i'm just like a baby. who is so relying on hubby that i still can't let go. and letting go, makes me scared. I'm not afraid he'll dump me. i'm not afraid he'll leave me. i'm not afraid how we'll end up. But i'm afraid that he will disappear and ignore me. Like being invincible, seeing him online but yet no reply. Calls but yet no pick up. Maybe it is because of what happened back then, that fears history of repeating itself.

So many things i could have done. So many things i could have do. But i know i can't regret but to look forward. At time i ask myself. Do i REALLY need to leave? do i REALLY need to go? and i realize baby is the only thing holding me back. Baby wants me to stay, baby wants me to go. Baby say he doesn't want to be selfish. But he already has taken my heart away, so what is selfish?

♥ I love u baby. and i want you to know that. remember that forever and believe in us. ♥

For all those times you were with me, you taught me. For all those times you lift me up when i fell. And for all those other times, i will never forget. The memories you have given me. is more precious than anyone can ever imagine. I'm gonna miss the days you'll fall asleep snoring next to me. i'll miss the times we had together. The days we played together..

♥ I teared when you weren't around, not knowing what's gonna happen next. i teared when i watch you sleep. trying to remember every part of you. such silly of me. I know i've got to stop the silliness in me. and i know one day we're gonna look back and start laughing how silly of us we are. ♥

♥ ♥ i love u.. pls remember that. ♥ ♥

♥ love the panda♥

♥ Panda doing taichi ♥

♥Nap time♥

♥ NOT ME! i didn't steal the bamboo! it was there!!! ♥

♥ Help!!!! ♥

♥ peek a boo♥

♥ 1...2....3!! UP!!!!♥

♥ Kung fu panda♥

♥ mama! help me!♥

♥ sleepppyyy ♥

♥♥♥♥♥

♥ So many things in my mind. ♥

GOnna blog about it tomorrow.

night night.

♥♥♥

♥ my weekend♥

♥ Hubby finally went to cut his hair. ;)))))))

THAT is NOT my hubby a... my hubby just cut that hair style only. lolz..

♥♥

♥ Then we went over to eat YU CHI and curry fish balls.. hmmmmm... yum yum.. ♥

♥ This just makes me wanna have curry fish balls again. ;DDDDD ♥

♥ After sungai wang, we went to KLCC. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

♥fcuk u♥

♥ lovely KLCC.. sorry for the crappy quality. ♥

♥ updates.

♥ It's been a while since i've blogged. ;))))) i'm sorry. ♥♥

♥ Last wednesday, hubby and i went to watch movie. 2012!! wohoo. after everyone was saying how great that movie is and so on. So i finally did. ;DDDD with hubby. ♥

♥ The movie was great. So for those who haven't watch it, better watch it first..

Though, it did remind me of Noah and the ark. Maybe it's because of how they created a giant ark and brought the animals in. lolz..

♥ Finally, a random champion picture of hubby. ;D♥♥

♥ game

♥ Hubby went for basketball game today and decided to take some photos. ;D ♥♥

♥ Hubby taking that shots. ♥

♥ Hubby taking a break.. oh.. he found the camera.. lolz. ♥

♥ love this shot. ♥♥♥♥

♥ after the game, hubby was exhausted. ♥ hehez...

* really random... but yet.. this was how my evening was. .

weeeee

♥♥

♥ ahh.. liying's back. lolz.. ♥

We went to parade on sat. lolz. will be seeing her more now cz i'm gonna be at curtin with her. lolz

Though it's different course. but still . ;DDDDDDDD

♥♥ Did my hair on sunday at her aunt's place. lolz. she was saying how i looked like liying.

HAHAHA..oh my.. high school memories. ♥♥

♥ one more week ♥

♥ One more week of hard work. then it's

BYE BYE LIMKOKWING!!!! lolzz.z..

No more dark alleys,

or broken chairs,

uneven tables,

leaking pipes,

LEAKING AIRCON!!!

aircon that shuts down at some certain time..

lack of facilities.

Not being able to use the new mac in the computer lab. (such unfair)

Food which taste like leftovers.

AND FLIES EVERYWHERE..

toilet that stinks and flooded.

stains of paint, glue, spray cans EVERYWHERE on the wall on the ceiling.

slow management,

RUDE PEOPLE

perverted people.

inconsiderate lecturers..

and so many more. lolz...

♥♥

So it's one more week of hardwork. *pray that i won't fail* ;DDD

love love. ;DD

♥♥

Hubby is asleep.. AS USUALLLLL.. hahahaha.. since when is he not the moment he drops on the bed? lolz. ;D

♥♥

♥ eat ♥

♥ Oh my..

hungry hungry hungry me..

Ahhhh.. craving for sushi and oyster right now..

♥ Ahhh these are making me even hungrier.. ♥♥

♥ me ♥

♥ It's funny how some certain people are just so naive in some certain ways. But yet, in another knowledge, they just know so much.

But then, there are also those who actually just won't listen. So whatever you say is just wrong.

no matter if it's right.

And when it comes to terms like this, you just don't know what to do. ♥

______________

Three more assignments to go. *sigh*. wondering if i can finish it in time. Time management is very important this week then.

Liying is back. WOHOOO!! welcome back to m'sia girl!!!.

Well, gotta go back to work, going for movie tonight *such excellent me isn't it?*

well, one has got to rest and take break times during work hours too right? ;DDD

Such excuse i have for myself.

Well, at least i've made up my mind to work hard for the.. rest of the week till next friday.

All the best to me. ;DD

and those with heavy loads assignments coming up

♥♥

♥ boots♥

♥ boots ♥

Bet you've seen them around for ages,

i ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ the white one.. wondering to buy or not.. ;DD

Anyone interested can tell me. ;D.

I've got a friend selling them.

♥ They're just eh loveliest pair aren't they?

Am thinking of getting the white one.

♥ ♥

comments pls.

♥ guilt in me ♥

♥ I just read a short story from facebook. where someone posted it. and it made me cry. a very touching story. ♥

一天女孩過生日，男孩子在她生日的聚會上送了她一只可愛的毛毛熊，在各種生日禮物中，這根本算不上是禮物． 女孩有些生氣，也許更多的是憤怒，沒想到自己男朋友這麼小氣，今天是她的生日，還來了這麼多朋友． 去年男孩在她生日的時候送了她一把很名貴的藏刀，男孩發誓說，如果有一天他背叛了女孩，女孩可以用刀劃破他的胸膛． 今年，兩個人一直在討論兩個人的未來，這麼多朋友都來為女孩慶祝生日，是男孩說在生日哪天會給女孩一個終生難忘的禮物．結果似乎一切都出乎大家的以外，當然主要是女孩！ 面對女孩憤怒的眼神，男孩只是壞壞的笑，這份禮物真的讓女孩終生難忘． 女孩在聚會中喝了很多酒，而男孩只是在旁邊静静的喝着可樂．聚會結束，他們要回到自己的小家，上了公路，女生一直很憤怒，一直在埋怨，車的後排座放了很多名貴的禮物，當然還有那只毛毛熊.女生開始抱怨男孩不愛她，不珍惜他們的愛，男孩只是静静的開着車，什麼也沒有說，偶然會有一絲笑在臉上． 酒精在衝動的驅使下發作了．女孩吐了，男孩靠邊停了車，女孩大發脾氣，指責男孩給了她這樣一個不愉快的生日，說了一些很傷感情的事情，男孩一直無語，只是一只手拿着紙巾，一只手拿着礦泉水．女孩突然跑到了公路中間，男孩沒有拉住她，兩個人就這樣在公路上拉扯着．突然，一輛飛馳的快車直奔兩個人行駛過來，男孩想都沒想的扔掉了手中的東西推開了女孩，女孩的頭重重的摔到了地上，等她蘇醒的時候，她已經躺在了醫院，頭上綁着繃帶．那輛飛速行駛汽車的司機，証明是酒後駕車．男孩被撞出了15米，當救護車到的時候，他嘴裡一邊吐着血一直說着〃别管我，看我女朋友怎麼樣？〃 到了醫院，男孩已經去了另一個世界，他最後的一話是毛毛熊，毛毛熊在他的要求下，被醫護人員帶上了救護車，他在這個世界上最後的一段路，就是這只小熊一直陪着他． 女孩得知男孩離去的消息，一直在哭，哭的昏过去了好幾次． 一個有心的護士把小熊送到了她的枕邊．女孩再一次從昏厥中醒來，看着小熊上邊有着男孩的血，似乎有着男孩的體温，她緊緊的把它抱在了胸前，輕輕的摸着它．突然摸一件很硬的東西，女孩從小熊的口袋裡摸出了一件東西，一個戒指盒，裡面有一隻漂亮的鑽石戒指，女孩看到這一切，切底崩潰了．她拼命的哭，用力的撕着自己的頭髮和頭上的繃带，但是一切似乎都没有意義了．女孩去了停屍間，那是的男孩身上的血跡已經被擦干，他干干净净的，安詳的躺在那裡，嘴角還是有着一絲壞壞的笑，女孩用手摸着男孩的頭，淚水從眼角劃落，她不想哭出聲，因為男孩不喜歡她哭． 女孩第二天就出院了，回到了他們曾經愛的港灣．打開房門，她被眼前的一切嚇呆了，房間裡滿是玫瑰，桌子上有一個大大的蛋糕，旁邊的一個保温餐盒和一張卡片．打開餐盒裡面是她最愛喝的湯， 打開卡片裡面寫着：嫁给我，你一輩子都不會後悔，你一輩子都會感覺温暖，我會一輩子讓你幸福，我會一直守侯在你的身邊，我會每天叫你起床，為你做你喜歡的早餐，送你上班,時刻惦記你，随時給你電話和信息，不讓孤獨的感覺伴隨你一時一刻,晚上我會接你下班，為你做晚飯，晚上讓你在我的懷中睡去後再静静睡去．家裡事情你做主，但是家務還是我來吧，我身體比較好點．如果應酬，我會在11點前回家，如果出差我會把你這幾天食物準備好，當然還有你愛吃的零食．其實愛情就是簡簡單單兩個人的幸福，我們的幸福才剛剛開始，希望……女孩再也看不下去了，她看到了房間裡仿佛滿使他們的歡聲笑語，滿是他們的蜜語甜言，往日的情景一下子，涌入了她的心頭，她在自責，在懊悔，在埋怨…… 想着到底是誰背叛了那曾經美好的東西．曾經的幸福這個時候變的尖銳，曾經的歡笑這個時候變的灰色．男孩火化的那天女孩沒有去，女孩一個人静静的呆在他們愛的港灣，躺在他們經常做愛的床上，看着他們出去旅游时的錄像，輕輕的用去年生日哪天男孩送他那把藏刀割開了自己的手腕…… 窗頭放着一張卡片： 親愛的我來了，沒有你的日子我好難過．是我錯了，你走的這幾天，我一直在回味我們在一起的日子，你的體温你的氣味你的壞笑和你做的飯，你是個騙子你說過一生守護我的，沒有你，一個人睡覺好冷的，沒有你做飯我肚子好餓，沒有你在身邊我好孤單，你慢點走，我來了，雖然你沒有實現你的承諾，但是我還是真的愛你，壞蛋我來了，慢點走，在前面等我，我來了…… 戀愛中的朋友們。。好好珍惜吧。。也許這個世界沒有那麼完滿的愛．但是這個世界有着最愛你的人和你最愛的人．當最愛你的人和你最愛的人是一個人的時候，告訴你．你是幸福的，有些人往往是三角戀，也許你不懂我的愛．我想看了這篇日誌你應該明白點吧．呵呵 不說了 希望看完這篇日誌的人珍惜眼前的一切 不要因為一點小事鬧大架 看完要轉載哦 ！！！！！

♥ Sorry for the tiny traditional chinese words, Those banana's. i'm sorry.

After reading this, i teared, i cried, i felt so guilty. I felt like i couldn't lift my head up and face you because i acted the way she acted on her big day. ( just not so exaggerating ). i feel so bad. so sorry.

And i realize, that i MUST start to learn and appreciate and love and never start fussing over small matter.

♥♥