Together again

After being departed from my love one for a year. 

Things were hard. 

And this semester. Things are different. 

I almost forgotten the times that we stayed together. 

but now it doesn't seem like there's any problems.

Well, of cz there are a little here and there. 

But it's not something that leads to world war 3. 

I know being here for him is hard. 

All i wish is to make things easier for him, 

If i could lessen his burden and stress. i would. 

Classes starts next week,

part of me can't wait for it to start, at least i'd have an aim and start working. 

Part of me don't want too b'cz i am definitely not looking forward to group projects. =(

"Yesterday is history; Tomorrow is a mystery; Today is a gift. 

That's why it's call 'The Present'. "    -ER

I believe that everything happens for a reason, there's a reason why i feel like this towards you. 

There's a reason why you love me. 

There's a reason why you met me, and chose me. 

People change and learn to let go. 

When things go wrong, we start to appreciate what was right. 

We never realize how important that 'someone' is until it's not there anymore. 

Life is all about choices, Left Right, 

Right or wrong. Go or not to go. 

and this is a HUGE decision that he has made. 

i love you, i know it's a long way more to go. 

Many more steps to take. 

But my heart will always be with you. 

I've learnt a lesson that never let your emotions overtake you. 

There are nothing but plain emotions. 

i learnt to close my eyes, block everything out, imagine myself being at the beach with no one and all i hear is the sound of the beach. 

and ask myself what do i want. 

how do i feel. Am i being ridiculous. 

And i look deep down inside me, how things are and never let be deceived by a surface or looks. 

It took me a long way to reach where i am and what i'm capable of doing. 

i do hope to improve myself, to help you and make your life easier. 

To be who i want - that's my first principle. 

to love myself and to love you. 

- Always have and forever will - 

Today is the day, today I leave. And I don't know my feelings and my emotions.
What is wrong with me? I do hope that i's figure it out myself. I realize that I've begin building a wall within me. Sometimes, I'm tempted to break it down, sometimes I wish not too.

As people live on, we meet new people. And we never stop meeting new people. But I guess it's hard if you never tell your partner what kind of people you meet. You'd leave her nothing but thoughts and wonder.

Actions plays a big role. I realized, there wasn't Any point in the deal, it was just a huge excuse to myself to not scream at him.

I thought he had change, which he did. But I just never figured, he would change back. I guess we can never expect too much. The higher expectation, the bigger disappointment we get. Guess it's time to the back olden days.

- Posted from iPhone ♡ AilingC. ILY ♡

Last thoughts in Ipoh

it's 4am again and i'm here blogging. Thoughts like this are like writing diaries. which are boring to other people.

i've got someone whom i do not know who is it commenting saying that 'he is not worth at all for me to do so. ' Technically, he/she is saying that i should put all the the effort into it and he's not worth everything. Sometimes i do wonder why not just tell me? or e-mail it to me rather than just leave a comment there with no other reply or explanations. i do not even know if the comments were made up by someone i know either.

On and off, i get comments like 'catherine, you're a fucking bitch' by someone call xxx
=__= i don't mind you calling me a bitch, but pls do state your name.
but it doesn't bug me because i do not know who it is anyway, might be a friend playing a prank.

I know my blog is about me, my life, mostly about my love relationships, where i've been, what i've eaten and so on. but MOSTLY, about my love relationships. I think 9 out of the 10 random non-spams comment i get is about him. Either i'm a bitch and i do not deserve him, or he's not worth all my trouble and shits. Or somewhat or another.

People have called me stupid, people have called him a jerk. what thing for all i know. I love him, so do not speak bad of him in front of me. I know i'm stupid, but this is my choice and i know what i am doing. If things would not work out, i will walk out not regretting it. I will be devastated, i will be sad. but i will not stay and make things worst.

I love being in love with him despite all the things that he's done and didn't do.
but to me, it doesn't matter, because deep down inside me. i know what i want right now. and is to spend time with me.

plus, he is not a pretty bad guy after you know him ASIDES from the fact that he bullies people.
SO i do hope, if you have anything, come up to me, do not just leave a msg anonymously. Nobody forces you to read my blog, i do thank you for stopping by.


______

in 24 more hours, i'd be in room 42A Donn Watts in my room. asleep.

random thoughts 180111

When you are a kid, everything seems so much more easier. 

Although kids do feel left out too, 

but they get cheered up and entertained easily. 

But when we get older, we tend to think, why are we left out?

Do we look weird? are we aliens? Do we not fit in?

ANd then as we get even older, we begin to feel that everyone is standing alone and as they say, 

'everyman for himself'. 

I grow up in childhood and memories i wish to erase.

but at times, being able to remember and think about it makes me stronger. 

'Everyman for himself' is how i have been brought up. 

never give, never take. Only give when is necessary and only take when is needed. 

Birthdays were 'just another ordinary day'.  

Christmas means 'church day' or more like 'nutcracker' day. 

Chinese New year means reunion.

When we were teens, not being able to go out and see friends, what more the world,

has made us THOUGHT that every family is the same. that how it works (well that's what i thought)

It wasn't until i came to college/uni where i meet people. 

i hear about their stories, them being homesick. 

The way they were brought up. 

and then i realized how brainwashed i was and how stupid it was for me to thought that it was the same everywhere. 

As i lay here at 4am in the morning not being able to sleep, packing my stuff, thinking about my life and blogging about it, has made me realized, 

how much i have changed. 

how much i have realized what i wanted. 

Today, i was told. i do not have confidence. 

This indeed i agree with him, confidence has not yet reached me as i feel that i do not deserve to have that yet. 

I do not want people to think i am boasting about whatever it is i am talking about,

Bad enough i'm pretty talkative when i talk, confidence??

i was told my the boyfriend if i had the confidence, i wouldn't need him. 

This indeed is wrong. 

very. very. wrong. 

Nobody is perfect, but we are here to make each other perfect. 

Hence, i am imperfect without you. 

People do ask me 'why him?'

and the answer is simply easy. 

because he is the one. 

and they asked me 'how do you know he's the one?'

well, nobody is perfect like i say, 

but he is by far the most that anyone could take and do. 

Even if there's another guy who's so much more romantic than him. 

I bet the other guy has a worst temper than him. what's the point?

Or let's say There's this other guy who's so much better in making me smile and treats me like a queen. 

I bet this other guy is pure ass stubborn and has an ego as high as the sky. 

So what's the point again?

and don't make me continue going on, because i can. 

If you feel there's another guy better, 

YOU go get the other guy, i'm sticking to this one. 

so you can have that one. 

Thank you for your kindness, 

but it is not needed. i have what i need. 

Don't say i'm stupid. 

Because even if  i am, 

even if i'm putting my head into the tiger's mouth, 

or knowing i'd get hurt but still do it. 

That's my choice. i wanna do it. 

because i love him regardlessly. 

and He love me..

well, still. for the time being. 

happy loving valentine's day

Happy 4th Valentine's babe <3

here is a little short guide down the road of what we both have been. 

how our love has grown. 

Food is something we both enjoy. 

But one thing nobody has done for me, 

is knowing what i love best. 

You would always give me the best and the biggest. 

You would bring me to places and camwhore with me. 

Taking silly pictures with me. 

Being all so excited together. 

The times that you brought me out. 

and how i've figured the whole night wondering what i could do for you 

with limited things that i have. 

ugly color papers. 

with me ugly handwriting. pls bare them. 

Heart shaped stamps. 

a book for reference and failed to do what i wanted because i did not have the things, stuff, reference, that i needed. 

*sniff*

i'll promise to buy them all and make them for u. =D

And my sister's box.. 

don't know what she calls it. 

I doubt she gave names anyway..

But on top of everything, you make me smile and go crazy. 

To be who i am and who i want to be. that's more like it. 

And NEVER FAILING TO gimme what i want. =)

How artistic you would be.

(PLS DRAW MORE OKAY!!!! )

=DDD

And how you came miles and kilometres and 5 hours on air 

to be with me for 25 days. (minus the 4 you were alone in melbourne)

The places where you would take me

(this was our 2nd valentine's)

The surprises you give me. 

The vandalism you would do for me. 

How you make me feel so lonely and depress when you are not alone. 

and how you make me feel so hot and sexy for you. 

How you can just put a smile on my face randomly. 

How you influence me in everything, 

my glasses, my shoes, my slippers. my top. =)

How we could still have fun together even when we were not physically together 

while we were mentally stuck to each other. 

How you took care of me when i was drunk

How you were still able to kiss my goodbye when we were miles away. 

How you would whip up with something i've never seen before 

OR

something least expected.

Throwing your love at me. 

Making funny faces and making me laugh to reduce my stress knowing that's the only thing you could do.

and it was the BEST thing that anyone could have done. 

and even if someone else did, NOBODY could have done it better than you did. 

How you make every moment so special, so memorable. 

How there's a surprise after another UNEXPECTEDLY!!!

How you would always be there to be my model in my photographs. 

How a camwhore we can both be when we are together. 

Making me wear some silly hat.

Back then when i first met you....

You like this..

and now, you have became this.

woots!!!!

that's a huge change baby. =))

i would go on and on. 

But you've already know all that, 

and i don't have my pictures with me as i've packed them in the suitcase. 

I love you baby. 

Being with you makes me happy. 

Being with you makes me have the inspiration to do things, (to be praised by you. so don't forget to praise me okay baby?)

Being with you makes me have the motivation to do my work, to push myself, to change myself, to be a better me. (so that i could be helpful and useful to you. why would i want to be useless right?)

we both don't know how this year would be. 

but it's a huge step. 

it's another big step. 

i pray and hope, we will be able to do this together and walk through this year together. 

i love you baby. 

happy valentine's day. 

Secondary school years.

Guess what i found. 

my secondary report card. 

NO KIDDING!! 

this is how it looks. LOL. 

i see red. haha

 Zoomed in of Form 1 results. Let's see what i have...

i had 24 fr my First malay test in Form 1. LOL. oh dear...

oh!! i got 0 because i was sick i think.. i didn't go to school. i dun rmb. 

Form 2..

i see even more reds. LOL

i think i had the least red in form 3. 

The pencil ones were my aim for PMR. 

which in the end i had better than that. LOL

 AND THIS IS NOT A LIE.

i got second in class with those reds. LOL

Oh then, here comes Form 4 

4s6. a partly science class where we droped bio and had accounts. 

8 marks for moral and 3 mark for account. 

NO KIDDING SHIT!. lol

i then got so sick of addmaths i droped it. 

hence, the less red in Form 5. 

but check out those chemistry marks. LOL

ahh. those memories..

those fears. 

I have NEVER once in my life gotten all A's. 

The first year of uni foundation i had 3 A's.

i was so god damn happy. 

and last semester i had TWO distinctions..

HAHAHAHA. i almost jumped. 

Well, i couldn't be fucked about subjects i hate. so yea. 

Happy valentine's day <3

Dear boyF,

Happy valentine's day! I love you and I will try my best to lessen and reduce your burden and worries. I will be there to give you massages when you have a back pain. To fill your cup of water when your relaxing. Make sure to always have socks at the shoe cupboard. Make sure you do not have stain on your face or shirt and your hair stands at time. Make sure you brought your wallet and phone out and if you've locked the doors. And so many small little things that makes everything easier and perfect.
I love you and I love to see you smile. Your smile brightens up my world and my life. And thank you for all your time, effort and energy.

I don't need expensive gifts, I don't need the trouble. Having you is more than enough for me to ask for. The best thing is to love and be loved in return. :)

Baby, I know things have been hard. But I promise I won't want you to go through what I know you would. Standing by your side always, I would take the bullets for you and it is worth every single thing because your smile, makes everything disappear like magic.

Soon, there's another step ahead of us. And I will try my best to make things easier for you. Take away your stress, your burden and your frown and glue that smile to your face:)

I love you baby. And thank you for everything.


Love, girlF


- Posted from iPhone ♡ AilingC. ILY ♡

HUGE hint drop

I know what i want if  was asked. 

OH! i know i do have a number of stuff already. 

BUT.. i'm sitll a kid at heart. 

http://estore.dooodolls.com/webshaper/store/viewProd.asp?pkProductItem=294

DON"T forget the hat too. 

I'm not forcing you to get it. =)

Just in case u didnt know what to get. 

LOL

Girlfriend

A friend posted his status 'Define girlfriend'.

and it made me thought of what i wanna post in this post.

Some people would say a girlfriend is a girl who is the top list among your friends.
Some people say, a girlfriend is just another pussy to you.
Some even say it's a burden,
Some would say it's just another female friend, no biggie.

But to me?
A girlfriend to me, is your companion. The person who would be there for you through happy joy and sadness. Your sad-bag, happy-bag, whatever mood you have, she would be the one there for you. She would be there to listen to you, to give you a shoulder regardless of her size, to guide you when you are lost. To have fun with you. To do the unlimited stuff with you that nobody else would do. She would be the one you wanna share and repeat 10 million times that you won 50 bucks from poker and she will still not get sick of it and smile with you and enjoy the fun. She would be there to help you with your work, give you some suggestions, help out with your ideas. She would be there for you to hug in the night. To encourage you knowing that you can do it. She is the one that knows you more than yourself. (well, partly). your attitudes, your work, your style, your likings.

But of cz, there are many types of girlfriends in this world, there's the demanding one. The bossy one, the controlling one, the quiet one, the naive one, the gold digger, the selfish one, the crazy tension one, t he mood swing bad tempered one, the shopholic materialistic one, and few many more.

Like i said, that is how i feel a girlfriend should be, because that's what i do and how i feel.

i love how he's happy that he found something or achieve something and even though he has said it over 10 times, it still seems so exciting because i love to see him smile and be happy.
i love how he feels comfortable talking with me because i do not jump in and judge him, even though if he was in the wrong and not knowing, which is pretty rare, i would wait till he's finish and tell him in a nice way.
i love how he tells me things and stories about his flings and girls knowing i'm there to enjoy his happiness with him instead of yelling at him.
i love how he teases and laughs at me, giving me all the attention.
i love how we share ideas and achieving a successful work regardless we get paid or not. ( and after that we complain not getting paid together. LOL)
i love how we see things the same way, likes and dislikes and even our complains.
i love how he puts a smile on my face without even trying hard.
i love how we get so amuse with each other.
i love how he cheer me up JUST LIKE THAT.
and how he makes me forget everything that makes me unhappy.
i love how he try to make things better for me.
and i love so many more things that you made me love you.

So therefore, i try to be the best girlfriend i can be. because i love you.

boo boo

 YESTERDAY 09/02/2011

Hubby and i went to watch Yogi Bear. 

i know... it's a kid show. 

But it's not considered cartoon. it's PARTLY animation. 

Don't know why people make a big deal. 

not like he complained either. If he didn't wanna watch he would have told me too!.

this time, we had Ramly, green pau pau, LO MAI FAN!,
pop corn with F&N strawberry =DDDD

before that, they had looney tunes intro. 

OK OK OK ! i admit i'm at a kid's at heart and i love cartoon. 

but my boyfriend is not complained. bluek *stick tongue out*

YOGI bear is fun!! u gotta watch it!